Thursday, July 14, 2011

Starstuck- old school

So I swear that I will never get star struck and that if I ever meet another celebrity, I will probably just say hello and keep it moving. Yeah, right. I know secretly that I would have a chest explosion if I met the following- living or dead!

  • Diana Ross
  • Beyonce
  • Oprah Winfrey
  • Michelle Obama
  • Maya Angelou ( hello, that is my name!)
  • Sistah Souljah (The Coldest Winter Ever and Midnight changed my life!)
  • Nikki Giovanni (already met)
  • Dorothy Dandrige
  • Josephine Baker
  • Lauryn Hill - I just want to shake the sh*t outta her and convince her to make at least three new albums with no crying so I can keep my own sanity!
  • Erica Badu
  • Jill Scott
  • My grandmothers' mothers and grandmothers
The Men
  • The Nicholas Brothers (how they do those split jumps is still mind blowing)
  • Stokely Carmichael
  • Malcolm X ( I would love to hear his take on the state of blacks in America in 2011 and what he thinks of President Obama)
  • Abraham Lincoln (to see what he REALLY meant by his Emancipation Proclamation)
  • Dr. Ben Carson (met for a brief secind in the airport. We were on the same flight)

Friday, July 1, 2011

Tasty Tueday

Today is the love of my life's birthday! Yeaaaaa! It's his birthday! He is so behind the time and was not privy to such foods as apple pie before he began dating me. So, um, yeah. Weird, I know. He is a sweet potato kind of man. I remember being on a date early on and sharing some apple pie with him. He was like, "Whoa! What is this?!" I'm like, "Dude, APPLE PIE?!" He said he never had it! Really, at 37 and he never had apple pie?!

Anyway, it is now his favorite and I am going to bake one for the first time for his birthday. As a backup, I am making his second favorite: Snickerdoodles. Now I am mad because the store was out of self rising flour. So I can add a pinch of salt to the flour, but I'd rather have the self rising. So back to the store--sending step daughter.
OMG! My oven is possessed y'all. It stays going off. Even with a brand new oven or a newly cleaned one, it always makes the smoke detector go off. It is so annoying! UGH!

This is not my recipe. It is more of a review. I used apple pie from Betty's Kitchen on youtube.
Ingredients
6-7 tart green apples (Granny Smith)
cinnamon and sugar
pie crust (premade) or homemade
Pie pan
salted water (to prevent browning of apples)

Step one: Peel the skin off the apples leaving as much skin as possible. I do not believe in wasting food!
       
        two: Core the apples
       
        three: cut thin slices of the apples. it should make about 6-8 cups of apples.
       
        four: Place them in a bowl with the salted water to prevent browning. after I core and slice each apple I place in the bowl. This is great. It helps keep the apples pretty.
    
        five: roll out the pie crust. I cheated and used a pre made crust. So much simpler and less stressful for me.

        six: place one pie crust in a pie pan. I used a super deep dish one I got a Giant grocery store for about $7. It is red and pretty with scalloped edges. Ceramic son! DO NOT PIERCE the bottom crust!

        seven: pre heat the oven to 320-350 degrees if you have a possessed oven like me. She says, I think 425 degrees but that is hot as hell!

       eight: Drain the apples of the salted water. Replace with sugar and cinnamon. Sprinkle it over the apples. leave for about 5-10 mins. This will make its own liquid. You WANT that. That is what helps make that gooey liquid factor.

       nine: Pour apples and its liquid over bottom crust

       ten: This is a double crusted pie. Use or make a top crust. Pinch or scallop the edges. Or if you are feeling bold, make a lattice top. Easier than it looks.

      BAKE, COOL, Eat with ice cream!

DIY? Yeah, YOU do it Yourself

As you know, I a getting married September 10. I am doing many things myself and if I smell another hot glue gun I am going the eff off on someone! I am exhausted and there are still things left to be done! So what have I completed so far? Cake platters, guest book, card box, centerpieces, take a sheet basket. What do I have left? Veil/headpiece, shoes, maid of honor gifts, presents for parents, Dupree, abd wedding co ordinators; corsages, boutinnairs, Mad Libs, all the signage, invitations...

My wedding co ordinators did the save the dates and I am going to help them with the invitation wording. Phew! I still have to do most of the decorations for the engagement party.


If I smoked I be j'ed out to the fullest! Now, I understand two things: why people drink and why the look so ready for this to be over in their wedding photos! This is tiring. I do not "work." I stay home this is my full time job on top of everything else I have to do.



I love doing a lot of things myself but paired with loneliness, doing the crafts all by myself and not getting any sleep, no dates and rude a*s step children in summed up as follows: it fucking sucks! Excuse the language, if you choose.

I cannot wait til my honeymoon! I do not drink, but I just may have a hurricane or two after this wedding.
So now I also have to meet with the caterer this Sunday. The price is great and I am hoping the food will be too.

****************************************************************************************

Met with the caterer. The price was great. The food was good too. Mr. Friday seems to get things done. We will be dining on: mild/hot jerk chicken, rice and peas, baked salmon, mixed vegetables, salad, mini beef, chicken and veggie patties, fruit platters, lemonade and pink passion punch as well as banana pudding and cake for dessert.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Introducing....Jesus!

Can you imagine what it would be like to see Jesus in a heavyweight fight?! You know how they come out with the music, the entarouge and all that? I LOVE church announcements. Although they can take forever. I was in church today and I swear the woman read every line in the bulletin. I can read! That is why so many times they give a few announcments and then say, "read at your leisure."

Then comes the guest speaker. The bios always crack me up. The puffery these (mostly men) make. Gosh, do we try that hard to impress others.

This shows Steve Harvey introducing Jesus should he return for the second coming.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=cvCd_ANIKys

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Lucky Magazine "Hates Black People!"

Yeah, I had to go d*k head Kanye West on this but oh well! So I have been reading Lucky since they first came out. While I do not have a subscription due to the fact that I moved way too much throughout my college years, and really, who wants to go through all those address changes every sememster; I would not get a subscription anyway. As a young woman of color, it is nice to see not just pretty, afforadable clothing, but it is nice to see hair and makeup tips that are more inclusive than "olive" being the darkest skin tone they cater to in these makeup articles. Hello! African Americans are the number one consumers. They had better recognize!

Lucky dislikes anything, curvy, (too) dark haired or over 35. (I am only considered curvy at 34-25-40)While I am unaware of their number one niche group, I can read and I can definitely read between the lines. One can tell when they are not wanted, desired, underappreciated, whatever. I LOVE the clothing, makeup, deals, espcially the stickers and all that jazz in the magazine, but I stopped buying because of their lack of diversity. Beauty comes in more than one shade. Now, I know the question, "What about Essence and Ebony magazine? You have those." Do not even get me started!

I was in a pinch and needed a fashion fix so I purchased Lucky hoping that just maybe there would be someone black, someone with (gasp, natural hair!) features like me in the magazine besides one or two advertisments. In the June issue of Lucky, there are four people of color- a mother daughter advertisment for Target, white folks favorite black woman, Halle Berry in an advertisment for Revlon and a small article: "Reader's Choice: The Ingenue." Lucky can make excuses such as, "there are no black models," "black women are not interested in our magazine" or whatever lame excuse they can come up with. The truth is, there are loads or African American women looking to Lucky magazine for fashion advice and instead of Lucky moving forward in this post segregation, Kum by ya moment, Lucky needs to have a come to Jesus, or at least Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King Junior (that takes up almost one line of typing!) I will not be "judged by the color of their skin, but the content of their character" moment.

Does this mean I ought to turn a blind eye and just look at the clothes? Last time I checked were a fashion and beauty magazine.
Beauty IS skin deep and unfortunately Lucky is rather shallow. I do not need the deep political articles of Vogue, the do it yourself, cut this coupon to save a measly 20% of Woman's World. What I need is a magazine with diversity, pretty women, awesome clothing, unbeatable prices, up and coming designer recognition and someone like me! Yes, I take personal offense to not seeing faces like me more often (or at all for that matter ) in Lucky. At times I wonder if I am personally assaulted and disregarded puposefully.

I am so disappointed that I can no longer support your magazine. As wonderful as it is, it can be better. I am not the only one who feels this way and Lucky is not the only magazine with issues. I will be like the people who drive me crazy at the supermarket. I will just flip through it in line and put it back in the wrong place while I load my tomatoes, ice cream, salad dressing and way too many items to be in the 12 items or less line on the conveyer belt.

Yours in fashion, beauty and the struggle,




Maya J.
owner of SewFly by CarolRenee

PS. I will continue to discontinue buying this publication and will spread the word via Facebook and Twitter until the mass satisfaction from a strong consumer base is met.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Diets suck!

Diets suck! I much rather take care of myself so I do not have to diet than to go on a time restricted diet. So I am supposed to be on this no meat, no sweats diet for a week. Yeah, right. I got this nasty cold that just will not leave. I tried, ya'll. I did. I made some veggie soup that absolutely sucked! I do not understand how I made such a bomb curry chicken soup for someone else and it was so good only a week ago and now when I have to make it for myself, it is some garbage.

In other words I have totally bombed this diet! So I ate some chicken and some dairy which was stupid as hell. Now I have even more snot! I can't breath for nothing. Nyquil is a daggone joke. But all in all I must be doing something right. My stepdaughter decided after school she was going to take care of me! :0) Her intentions were good til she turned on the computer and Twitter was all she wrote. Am I the only one who gets super cranky when sick?

ba hum bug!

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Wedding Diet Day One

hungry already. Today is the day i have edecided to cut meat, sigh, yes, even fish from my diet along with sweets for at least 10 days! I think I can do it, but I sure know I will be craving pasta and sweets is my downfall. basically, I am going o do the Daniel Fast. I really need to begin when I go grocery shopping in about a week and a half, but by then I am sure I will be one of two places: St. Elizabeth's mental ward or 5th District from having gone psycho on someone for not having any meat!

When I first got measured for my wedding dress I had lost a significant amount of weight because I was stressed out and honestly ready to end my relationship with Mr. C. I liked my size (  have basically been the same size since high school with less muscle tone the older I get. I miss my track body!). I digress. So now that I am back happy, I have what my friend Farran likes to call, "Happy Weight." I am happy all right. So happy that now I have to lose some of this happy weight. It is only about 5-7 pounds but I am no spring chicken according to my grandmother who, btw has been like the same size forever even after birthing seven kids and was trying to marry me off at 23. Thank God I did not marry who I was dating at 23! McKinney--whomp!

So, seeing as I am the head head cook in the family, they eat what I cook and it looks like salads, beans, tofu and stuff like that for at least the next week. If they don't like it they are more than welcomed to grocery shop, cook the entire dinner, and clean the kitchen all by their lonesome. It is either that or go hungry. I could care less. Can you tell I am cranky and hungry?

I have been taking my generic, orange, powdered fiber drink. I thought water and fiber were supposed to keep me full! These people are liars! humph! See this is why I try to maintain my weight in the first place. Gaining weight and feeling sluggish is selfish to not only me but to those around me. People can say what they want, but for ME, let me stress this for ME, my weight, skin and hair and nails are all reflected in  how I feel about myself and my health. I will also say this, as my pasta is overcooking on the stove: many Black women are born with the bodies those of other races long for and are willing to pay thousands of dollars for aka fake, full lips a la Lisa Rinna, Michelle Pfeiffer and probably all the housewives of Orange County, New Jersey or wherever; the big booty a la Serena Williams and Buffy the Body. And slim waists, hips and locs.
Lisa Rinna

So we are born with these bodies and and get the cat call, the stares and at times the looks and comments of disbelief. Then as we get older and have babies, we do nothing to maintain our temple. We get the apple shapes- not apple bottom! We get the booty do. All those clueless that is when one's stomach sticks out more than her booty do! LOL Unless you are pregnant, this should not be the case. Please shoot me if I get like that! Just the thought alone is enough to make me put down the pasta and pick up some weights! Is it possible to break a sweat even thinking about that? Cause Lord knows I am!

I am now making a public declaration that I will no longer eat after 7 pm. Mr. C works the graveyard shift so he may just have to get used to nixing our midnight calls.